Sending a little love

I know there are times where these blogs can get negative, drag you down, and think that there is not one thing that's good about Cancer. In all honestly, there is not one good thing about cancer, it sucks. However, there is this kindness it brings out in people that is absolutely beautiful. This blog I am going to dedicate to those that see me in my worst.
First Angie. I love you more than you will ever know. I have been on a church and bible stint and I am loving it. I appreciate that our church preaches from the bible, but the love that you have for me, there just aren't any words or experiences that can define that. You are standing over me when I am praying to the porcelain God, you hold my hand when my stomach is churning and tell me I look like death, you get me wet wash cloths, and than turn and do my laundry. You put up with my ancy ticks and the fact that I can't sit still for longer than 2 minutes a majority of the day. You try to find me something that I can stomach to eat and even than I don't eat it. You try to keep me drinking water to stay hydrated and you do it all with love. I don't know how you haven't been completely frustrated while taking care of me through this because that's exactly what you are doing, taking care of me. There are so many things that annoy me through this time and it's the littlest stuff. The refrigerator stinking, kids climbing up the stairs loud, you tossing and turning through the night, your hair stuff, all of these things that would never bother me, do in my chemo head today. I don't know about you Ang, but I am pretty tired of it. People keep reminding us that we have two big treatments to go, that should be a celebration, but to me it's still two nasty times I have to be sick. Trust me, when this is all over, somehow someway I want all my family and friends to go somewhere warm, safe and just be together so I can get back to a normal life. I love you Angie and I can't thank you enough for being here for me in sickness and through health.
There are also times in life where you can never stop needing your mom. I still do. There are times where I want to lay in her arms or my grandmas and just have them rock me to sleep, but at my age it would look a little funny. Or maybe we should just try it. For Christmas, mom gave us a picture of her and Eddie. I love it, it's the best picture they have taken. I have it in my living room and look at it often. This woman has been through hell and back literally and she still has an amazing smile. It's a gently reminder that she got through tough times, so will I.
I love getting phone calls from my dad, I can almost time when they come. He's checking up on my and he knows that I feel like crap. I know that he wishes there was something he could do to make this all go away, but my handy man dad can't. That's hard for him, but he loves me and he is always there for me. If I feel like cussing, I know I can call him up and tell him exactly what I think,
My sister went to treatment with me for the first time, I liked that. I hate treatment, have I mentioned that. It gives me this icky feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. Anyway, I miss my sister. She stopped by unexpectedly on New Year's Eve and I happened to be alone. I didn't want her to go. We have good memories me and her. I will never forget about this time last year we were headed to our first Green Bay Packer Game. One of my most cherished times.
No doubt this experience has changed my life and for the better. It's just getting through this so I can fully enjoy it.
Yesterday was a little challenging. I have to admit there comes times where I want to punch through a wall or slam my computer across the room because I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Last night while dealing with bowel issues among throwing up issues oh and the ancyness that I have...I walked down to Angie and talked to her about God being our healer. I asked her, since I have prayed that God come wrap his arms around me and just rock me and heal me and he hasn't done that yet, what does that mean? Hmmmm, maybe I do just need to sit in my mom's rocking chair.