A baby?

I have always wanted to have a baby, just maybe never wanted to actually carry it. I mean, imagine me being pregnant. Little people everywhere will wonder why Justin Bieber is pregnant? (For those who don't know me well, refrain from putting much thought into that last line.) It's always been a dream of mine to be able to take care of the prego one, put my head on the belly, and sing or talk to my baby. But, as time moves and I get older, the thought of carrying my own has been considered. Angie and I were planning on working on getting the job done this fall. Instead of searching for the right baby daddy, we are searching for the right plan of action to preserve my fertility. Chemo will put my system to sleep and there's a possibility it may not wake up. Now, if I had my own baby already, I might be in hog heaven thinking I may never have a period again! Anyway, Angie and I decided to see a fertility specialist. I was probably more nervous for this appointment than my others simply because I didn't know what they would do or stick me with if you know what I mean. Turns out, it was a very easy appointment. The doctor spoke very honestly with us and I must say he was amazing. He gave me 4 options....1) Do nothing 2) Something I didn't understand 3) Grab some eggs and freeze them 4) get a shot every month to preserve or protect my stuff. Option 1 is not an option nor is option 2. Option 3 is an option but I would have to wait for 3-4 weeks and I don't know if I have that long before I start Chemo. Option 4 is the other option. Sitting in this office I had an overwhelming urge. Having a baby has been a dream yes, did I really think it would ever happen? Maybe. But now, knowing that my chances of having one could be slim makes me really want one. I guess I took for granted my health and ability to reproduce. Not only do I have to fight to beat cancer, I have to fight to hopefully have a little nugget of my own. So the option winner is....Number 4. My oncologist told me today that he is not comfortable waiting for a few weeks before I start treatment, so tomorrow is the day!
The day I start chemo was lost in the calendar somewhere, it always seemed to be a day away and now it literally is. I am not even sure how to prepare for the final stage of this battle. I realize that so many people, too many experience the emotion of cancer. Too many sit in a chair while their loved ones wait for the chemo to run it's course. I wish I could share my feelings at this point, but I don't exactly know what my feelings are. I am sure as I sit tomorrow waiting for my first dose, I will have my computer and share. Until than, as unsure as I am right at this moment......As I always say, but sometimes may not always feel.....I got this!