Night Berfore Chemo Talk

So, what does one think about the night before the appointment that will decide my treatment schedule? Hmmmmm, where do I begin? There are a million things running through my mind it seems. So far at 8:21 PM, I have thought about July 20 and how I felt that day. I thought about being told I will have a much shorter life, the look on mom's face that day, and the sound of Angie's voice. I have thought about all of the doctor's I've seen and that 6 weeks ago I had surgery. I have also thought about how far I have come in those few weeks and how I've been told that the spot on my liver is not cancer. I think about how different I am than I was just 2 months ago.
I don't know why it bothers me to know that I have a missing piece to a vital organ. A lung is an organ right? I am only the principal, not the Science teacher! Than I think that's kind of stupid to think about because I am alive and have a shot at living a long time, which is way better than it was  2 months ago. I have it A LOT better than a lot of other people. I think about how annoying it is to wheeze after I climb the stairs to my bedroom and the coughing....well, that just gets exhausting. I have also thought about how frustrated returning back to work has been. (Hoping I don't get fired!) My entire staff plus some from other buildings have done such a wonderful job running the building. I feel so lost there. I even walked by some students who were messing around during lunch and normally I would get after them, but I let the janitor handle it! That's not me, that moment made me wonder what in the heck is going on with me? On the positive side, I am more aware of certain things and have a totally different perspective on life. When I am out for a walk, I notice the smells of supper wafting from the houses and how wonderful it smells. I wonder if the whole family gathers at the table, does anyone do that anymore? We do, Angie, the boys and I. I also notice the smell of laundry passing by some houses and I wonder what kind of detergent they use. Angie makes our laundry smell really good. I notice colors, the trees are way more vivid than what they used to be, like I am looking at everything in 3D. I feel things...the cold, wind, hugs. The words "I love you" are much more powerful. Also on my walks, I wonder what God has planned for me and why he picks the people he does to go through some of the roughest things? I quickly realize that it's not for me to question and than I realize how much stronger my faith has grown.
And than....I think about what tomorrow brings. What will my oncologist in Des Moines tell me? Are he and my oncologist from MAYO on the same page? How long will I have to do chemo and what kind will I have? In a way, it will be a relief to finally know what my routine will be. Until next time.......