July 20, 2012 Continued........

Am I going to die? I asked the doctor before we left for the MRI. She just looks at me very cold and says, "I can't tell you you won't." My mind went into shock and my body started shaking uncontrollably. My mom held me in her arms and told me that everything was going to be ok. For some reason, I didn't believe her. The only other source of affection was the look on the other gal's face. One of the best things about the day, a gal named Rose (whom I will talk about later). Once I knew I wasn't dreaming, I made the hardest phone call I had to make that day. I called Angie, my best friend and the love of my life. She was at work and she knew right away that I wasn't going to tell her anything good. We ended our conversation and my heart was sick, not only because of the news, but because I wanted to be near her. But, first things first.
We left that awful doctor's office on our way for my MRI. I walked into yet another medical building and at the desk I see this woman wearing a bandana and I suddenly had a sense of peace come over me. It didn't last long, but she had this glow about her and all I could think about was, she has cancer. She seemed to know what I was there for because she immediately came around the desk and gave me a ginormous hug. She was amazing and the 2nd best part of that day as I look back now. She treated me like she's known me forever and shared her story with me while I waited. Her name is Joan. She is an angel. Finally, I was called back and the technician asked if I was from Newton. She recognized me from playing softball. Since she knew me, I asked if she would let me know if she saw anything on that screen. Legally, she couldn't, but I didn't care about legalities, I just wanted answers. After all, when would I get them, this is a FRIDAY!
That MRI was the longest moments of my life. She had me strapped down and my head clicked into this contraption. All I could do was pray to God that my brain was clear. The tech finally pulled me out, released me and told me she put a stat read so that I could hopefully have a peace of mind over the weekend. Was that her way of telling me that she didn't see anything suspicious?  It was 11:00 am by now and we had an apointment with the oncologist at 4:00. Let the waiting begin!
My best friend from college came to be with my mom and I and we tried going to get something to eat, but to no prevail. Angie and her sister showed up to be with us the rest of the day. We tried going to the mall to kill time, but our minds where only in one place.
4:00 came and quite a few people started showing up to be with us, it was incredible. I think I had about 9 people crammed into the room as we waited for the oncologist. I stood in the corner, I was the youngest one in that room. Rose was there (remember the gal from this morning), the doc finally came in astonished at the number of people. He was a young guy and he went on and on about the causes of lung cancer in a non smoker. Quite frankly, no one gave a shit! We just wanted to know if my brain was normal. He also says, well this isn't good. I felt doom, but he continued on. He confirmed the spot on the lung (which happened to be about the size of a golf ball) and the liver, but said nothing yet about the brain. Finally, mom asked, WHAT ABOUT HER HEAD? IS IT CLEAR? IS HER BRAIN CLEAR? He just looks at her and says non-chalantly, "yeah, didn't anyone tell you that?" Who the hell was supposed to tell us that? Wasn't he the doctor? Anyway, a huge relief came over my mom and a majority of people in the room, but not for me.
After nearly 3 hours in that office we finally went home. Well, Angie and I stayed at my mom's the next two nights. I laid down with a Bible on my chest, it gave me a little comfort, but I certainly didn't sleep. At 4 am, Angie and I crawled in bed with my mom. Weird, I know. Angie left for work at 7 that morning and that's when I lost it for the first time.